Sunday, January 11, 2009

A Chris Update

Brooke Marie has been on this planet half a year today. I can't believe it and the time frame still escapes me. She was 3 weeks and 3 days old when I landed in Emory for brain surgery. I had been told that I could not get upset as getting too worked up might work against my recovery. So I stared at pictures of me and the girls for weeks while I was recovering and tried not to think about how we were all "dealing". I honestly was freaking out more about being away from my first born for so long but I suppose that was me missing her so much. I couldn't process the fact that I almost could have left my husband alone on this Earth with two baby girls that would not remember me! I thank the Lord every day that didn't happen on August 5, 2008. I haven't put a lot of my feelings regarding all of this on the blog. It's not like anyone wants to out themselves to all of their friends, neighbors and co workers. Many of you have emailed me to make sure I'm doing ok and I thank you. The holidays were tough for me. Working this week, my first 40 hour week with no day off and no leaving early for doc appts was hard on me. I've had some bumps in the road being at work and getting too overwhelmed and busy and made a few mistakes. Though it was nice that people are not expecting me to be perfect and everyone says that I am harder on myself than I should be. Apparently I am the only one that thinks I should be functioning like I did pre-aneurysm! I worry all the time that I had a switch flipped and am not going to enjoy my kids like I want to because of depression and expecting too much of myself. I don't feel like my same self anymore and every day I am working to FEEL right again. I've been told over and over it just takes time but what if I never do? What if that affects my girls or worse yet my marriage??? This is where I've been lately. Sorry I've been a lazy blogger recently but it is VERY tough to find the time with two little ones. I am hoping to be better so Brooke has plenty of blog space herself! I'm trying to read everyone elses here and there but I've been poor in leaving comments. Please know I'm wishing for a wonderful 2009 for all of you as well as us!


Anonymous said...

Oh Chris, honey I don't even have the words. Mortality isn't something to be taken lightly and you were shown just how preciously fragile it really is. We will never know God's reason for everything that you have been through in this last 6 months, but I DO know that there is a reason that only God in his infinite wisdom knows. His plans for us are always to prosper us and give us hope not to harm us (Jerm. 29:11) We love you girl. You remain in my prayers and I think that you are such an inspiration!

Anonymous said...

i know you know this & i know we've talked about it before, but what you've been through takes time to recover from.

believe me, i know.

i also know how HARD it is to know what you were capable of 6 months ago and not be able to do some of those things today.

it's HARD to not be the person you were 6 months ago. i understand. i really, really do. you know i do.

but, you will be that person again, WILL. i promise!

it just takes time. it's only been 5 months since your aneurysm. and, to be where you are today, is truly a miracle. It's proof that prayer works & that God is here with us.

And, I am so proud of how far you've come in such a short amount of time.

Ask God to give you the patience you need to finish your recovery...whether it takes another 6 months or a year. Ask Him to help you not worry so much. Just put it all in His hands. That's what He wants. And, that's what I had to do after the car accident. And, it took a little while, but after a week or 2, I finally felt at PEACE with my situation..that God was in control & He wouldn't let me down. And, He didn't.

It took me over a year to recover from my car accident...and all that happened to me was both my legs were broken. You suffered horrific trauma to your, you just have to give it more time.

You have such a beautiful family & such a wonderful support system, Chris. Everyone loves you & wants you to get 100% better. And, you will. :)

I love you girl!


Erin Kathleen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MBKimmy said...

Chris, I am so sorry you are struggeling, but yes you are being hard on yourslef and you will be back to you soon! It may take timehang in there, your girls will be fine, so will you and Mike! Hang in there! I will be praying for you! Love you lots!

Andrea said...

How hard it must have been to be forced to keep all of your emotions in! Surely you are still experiencing a slow emotional release of all that has happened. I know its easier said than done, but give yourself time to heal emotionally even though you're almost head physically- don't be so hard on yourself. Afterall you aren't the same person you were six months are a stronger woman- and changed for the better FOREVER!

Chris said...

Thank you Robin,Kim,Melanie & Andrea! Love you all for helping to support me! I have been very nostalgic each month Brooke grows. I know this August will be my one year survivor anniversary. I hope I'm playing on a beach somewhere with Mike & the girls!

Amanda said...

Girl, I continue to pray for you. For peace, for healing, and in praise for keeping you here for your beautiful girls and wonderful husband! You have been through so much! I can't even imagine. I think of how hard I think my life is with working part-time, two kids, and school. That doesn't even measure near to what you are experiencing. Just keep prasing God for getting you to where you are today, and just love on those babies!

Katy S. said...

Just know that there are others who have gone thru all that you have. There are others that will go thru this as well. Continue to tell your story for the world to read. Your thearpy of sitting in front of the computer typing what you are feeling is helping you as well as others. Your ups and downs everyone should hear about. Others need to hear that life is not perfect/ it gets bumped and bruised but things get better, we heal. maybe not as fast as we want, but we heal. Keep healing, keep typing, keep praying, keep surviving!!!!!!!!

The Gordon Family said...

I wish I had the right words to say to make it all better for you but there is nothing I can say. It is so hard to understand God's plan and timing of everything. What I do know is that you are an incredible woman and your strength is incredible. Many times when life throws us something unbelievable it throws everything off track and takes us from our comfort. Your life was saved for a reason, you have two beautiful daughters and a husband who loves you, I pray that you can find joy and happiness in that. I know that nobody can understand exactly what you are going through but know that we try. Take time for yourself, allow your body, heart and soul the time it needs to heal from all of this. Know there are so many praying for you, for all of you. Your girls love you and don't know the depth of what has happened so trust in the Lord to sheild them from that. God will pull you through this, we are all here and you should vent, complain or do whatever you need to do to heal. Thanks for sharing your heart, I am thinking of you all the time.

Kimmie Kay said...

I am SO glad that you decided to write about this. Although none of can truly understand what you are going through, I hope our love and support helps make it easier to bear. You are so very hard on yourself (something I do have some experience with), try to give yourself the time to get back to being you 100%. Your husband and daughters need the you that you are today and they love you very very much! God spared your life for a reason that has yet to be revealed to you, but His timing is perfect. Trust in Him to get your family through and remember that with the Lord in your heart, you will never be alone. We love you just as you are and so does he! I will continue to pray for your healing, strength, and recovery. You are my sister and I will always be here for you!!!

Anonymous said...

I think Kim said it best! I ditto that my friend! xoxo